Anyhow, the film ended and there was lots of celebrating and singing and throwing newspapers around and it left me feeling kind of hollow, like there should have been more of a climactic conclusion. Pulitzer, the bad guy, was never really defeated by the pre-Dark Knight Christian Bale, and you know, if the kid's going to grow up to play Batman, I would have at least expected some cool martial arts sequence and some sort of gadget used to defeat Pulitzer, perhaps with a sequence of him angrily falling out a window in slow-motion yelling “Nooooooo!!!” and then impacting with a big pile of newspapers, you know, in goofy Hollywood irony, etc. So I'm going to propose that Disney make a sequel to this film, to help resolve the loose ends involved here. The film would be called:
Newsies 2: Pulitzer's Revenge!
Pulitzer, bested by those meddlesome Newsies, teams up with William Randolph Hearst and they agree to unite to stomp out the Newsies menace once and for all. To do so, they enlist evil scientists to create massive robots that stomp down the streets of New York, with their only mission to destroy the Newsies! But Christian Bale and Newsies fight back, and a huge futuristic battle takes place, with the Newsies converting their newspapers into primitive projectile weapons. Oh, and this would be cool: in a final showdown atop the Statue of Liberty, Christian Bale and Pulitzer battle and, at the last minute, Bale grabs a laser blaster and, aiming at Pulitzer, mutters coldly, “Pulitzer... here's your prize!” ZAAPP!!!
Anyhow, that's my pitch. I'm thinking Disney should offer me a big sum of cash for the story. If you're a Disney rep reading this post, be sure to pick up a copy of my heart-warming, Disney-quality book, Unemployed Public Television Vampire Hunters, and after reading it, let me know when you're ready to turn that, and Newsies 2, into future mega-blockbusters. Seriously, Disney, it's not like you've acquired any decent or lucrative franchises recently, so why not give this a chance?
Rob Marsh is a Dingbat author of “Unemployed Public Television Vampire Hunters”. He's also a dingbat.